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You know you've played too much Shogun when...

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Saved by 1 people (0 private), first by anonymouse user on 2008-07-08


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I forgot the original list, so I'm starting to make up some new ones.

1. You plant shinobis in all of your neighbor's yards and homes.

2. If you go to visit for tea, you plant shinobis in the yards of your neighbor's neighbors as well, so they won't reinforce and surprise you.

3. You try to sneak up on someone wearing a lampshade.

4. Whenever you see a bunch of trees, you send someone else ahead to investigate them.

5. You will not go to work unless the weather is favorable.

6. But you're not always sure what would constitute favorable weather, unless you know what you and all your coworkers are wearing that day.

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I forgot the original list, so I'm starting to make up some new ones.

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1. You plant shinobis in all of your neighbor's yards and homes.

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2. If you go to visit for tea, you plant shinobis in the yards of your neighbor's neighbors as well, so they won't reinforce and surprise you.

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3. You try to sneak up on someone wearing a lampshade.

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4. Whenever you see a bunch of trees, you send someone else ahead to investigate them.

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on 2008-07-08 by moshler

Page 2:

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

at halloween u go around dressed up as a yari samurai and try to spear people and hide in the woods

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

You're happy that it's raining heavily this week, because it means the enemy's arquebuses will be useless against you, and you can smash his puny, miserable peasant scum.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

The phrase 'Don't make me chase you' takes on new meaning.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

You get weird looks because you still can't get over routing 290 yari with one Kensai.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When a religious solicitor comes to your door trying to teach you about God, you immediately ask where the guns are.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

Instead of saying 'Woohoo' or 'w00t' you scream 'YYYYYYYYYHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

You know every province and its traditional characteristics (its strategic advantage) of Japan, despite Japan now has been developed.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

You could go to any city in Japan and know to what clan does this land used to belong to.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When you're looking down the hill, you have a strong urge to run as fast as you can.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

You now want to get a horse insted of a car.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When tourists look at the Japanese tea house at the Metropolitan Museum, you explain to them that the tea house is used to train shinobies that helps to increase the population loyalties and to spy and decrease the population loyalties of your enemy provinces.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

You look at the old Japanese maps in the Metropolitan Museum, you pinpoint all the river defending provinces and know where the advantages are.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When your wife spills something and you send her away to live with her parents (for a rock of time), thinking to yourself how grateful she must be that you didn't divorce her.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When you post on the forums about stuff that happened to you the other day.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When everytime your dad goes to work you hope he gets killed so that you can lead the family

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When you think if you put a solider on your map that people will go invade that state.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When you send your family members to attack the other candidates in an election.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When this stuff actually happens

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When ask old dirty men for advice.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When you ask the mailman "Who is your leader." when he gives you the mail.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

You keep suggesting to your wife that she ought to have tea with the neighbor's wife.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

You keep an eye on the creek in the backyard just to make sure a portuguese galleon is not cruising upstream.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

Chase the neighborhood kids to see if you can rout them.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

Send employees on pointless missions to see if they can make it back alive.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

You look at the date on your first post in this thread.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

when u go to church on sunday and ponder the best way to assasinate these damn priests / missionaries

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

When you keep jerking your head upwards to the roof to check your not about to be asssinated by a ninja jumping from a skylight.

on 2008-07-08 by moshler

Page 3: You know you've played too much Shogun when...at night you closed your eyes and saw column of samurais marching up and down

7. You run screaming from any pretty ladies with lots of makeup.

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8. If they have a hairpin, you faint from sheer terror.

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9. You can't go anywhere without assessing the terrain for strategic benefit.

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10. You become disappointed, or indifferent at best when your wife bears you a daughter.

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11. When your boss yells at you, you commit seppuku.

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12. You go to investigate whenever you see birds.

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13. Same for dust clouds.

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14. You won't visit anyone unless you outnumber them, or at least have technological superiority.

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17. If someone comes to visit you, you have everybody wait in a long line with bows and arrows to shoot them as they advance.

18. And you tell the people who don't have bows to keep the guests away from the bowmen, by poking them with long pointy sticks.

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19. If someone comes to visit you and they outnumber you, you don't worry because you know you only need to keep them occupied half an hour before they leave.

20. If they outnumber you and you're alone, you just run all around your property in circles for half an hour.

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You take a shower, get out onlly to be distracted by the campaign still running on your comp. Two hours later, you leap to your feet, shouting triumphantly, only to hurt your package because you're still Naked

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You refuse too get too close to that girl, because it could man your downfall.

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You judge your job harvesting by Improved/Advanced/Superior/Legendary Farmland. (I explained all this to my boss one day, in detail while we cut harvest)

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You give serious thought to changing your name to something random and off the wall because, hell, the samurai did it all the time.

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You dream about a Geisha attempt on your life and lash out at her, only to awake and find you'd destroyed everything on the nightstand in your thrashing. *Dirty bitch, who sent you?!?*

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26. You ask to be paid your salary in rice.

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27. When taxes come in, sometimes you'll gather a bunch of buddies and revolt.

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28. You plot out battle plans on napkins, notebooks, the backs of envelopes, the company whiteboard (during a meeting!) and bald peoples' heads.

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30. Late in the game, you end your turn and look out the window only to realize that a season really HAS passed since you were last outside.

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31. You know you have to go to the bathroom badly, but you decide to put it off for one more turn.
32. The pain of putting off going to the bathroom is becoming quite acute 3 turns later, but you decide to put it off until you've fought off all the enemy reinforcements in the driving rainstorm.
33. The pain of putting off going to the bathroom is so severe it feels like you should be hospitalized, but you decide to put it off to the next turn.
34. Suddenly you leap to your feet and realize it is time that YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST GO TO THE BATHROOM. You don't make it.:(:o:o:o:o:o

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:|

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41. I called my boss a lousy advisor regarding weather conditions. I got this look in return....

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My secretary came

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32b, Sub 1.2. I started to dump many pieces of equipment here to create a more 'japanese experience"....our company will miss such items as, cars...copy machines...and telephones.

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995. Our company prez asked how we can improve morale..I suggested a palace, followed by, "wait..lemme get the list of geisha we'll need."

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352. As it tends to get cooler during winter, our Billing dept girls tend to move slower and fatigue faster cause they're our corporate Heavy Calv. Vending machines get routed at the sight of them.

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49c. I wave a small buddhist shrine in front of our VP's prior to asking for a raise so their morale drops.

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My secretary came in to discuss our expansion into the the Pac Rim area, I told her we area a chemical manufacturing plant and that she was in the wrong Forum and to "go away.""

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on 2008-07-08 by moshler

Took me awhile to get this. It's actually more a poke on the mentality of this forum than it is related to the game and since I just stumbled into this thread, I didn't understand when I first read it.

when going to sleep I instead lie awake - planning what I am going to do tomorrow when I continue my game...

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Your friend who's visiting gets annoyed when you keep clickling at him, expecting to hear snippets of Sun-Tzu.

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You start thinking about assasinating a rival CEO because then his company will go ronin and you can take it over piece by piece.

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Your wife asks you about new siding on the house and you say that upgrading the armory is a better investment.

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You start calling the cat 'sninobi' and send him around the neighborhood to see what folks are up to.

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When she cheerfully says you should turn off the computer and come to bed, you start eyeing her warily for hairpins.

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You send your kid to the neighbor's to borrow a cup of sugar, worried that only some of him will come back from his mission.

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When your workmates ask you opinion about who was better: Kobe Bryant or Charles Barkley, and you say Takeda Shingen.

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The company owner builds a palace and you wonder why your morale isn't improving.

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I must stop dressing my girlfriend up as a Geisha...

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I must remember to send to ROSES and not cherry blossoms.

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thinking about sending ninjas to competitor firms

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When I beat my kids in a game, I will refrain from saying
"The enemy taisho is running from defeat...

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When I beat my kids in a game I definitely won't try to
"take the head of the enemy taisho".

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I must treat my 'heirs' like kids NOT generals.

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I will not send the postman's head back on a plate to the post office when my bills come through.

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I will knock on my friends' doors instead of besieging them until they starve

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My tea ceremony will involve a kettle, a teabag and a mug AND NO geisha.

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I will go places without sending out several shinobi first.

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I will be nice to Portugese visitors.

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I will stop playing this game when.....the citizens of Japan build a statue of me looking REALLY fierce.

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I will not ring my parents long distance and ask them to search the spare room for the Shogun CD-Key which I accidently left behind on my holidays

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I will not panic about commissioning a horse troop of 60 and installing them in the nearest castle when my daughter and heir turns 18.

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I will not turn pale and wide eyed and expect a fearful onslaught when I next see a monk going about his daily business.

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I will not assume I have to die when I'm next in Chinatown and see a lady with make-up on.

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I will not commit sepuku when i loose in an argument

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I will not constantly reach for the high ground when feeling beseiged in life.

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I will not assume all Portuguese men wander round with an amazing bow-legged walk.

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I will not grow my lawn six foot high, to hide my armys in and launch suprise attacks on unexpected guests.

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I will not kill my father inlaw and scream you have killed the enemy general his armies are without direction!

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Stop double clicking everything if I need it done fast.

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I will respect my family's wishes and NOT have
"1 Legendary Kensai, MontySan, Quite Dead" engraved on my tombstone. (MontySan)

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In Star Wars, they are Jedi, not Jidai.

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I will not have a banner.

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I WILL NOT RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION SCREAMING AMBUSH WHEN I SEE FUNNY LOOKING BIRDS FLY OUT OF A HEDGE OR TREES

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I will stop pretending to be a Thunder Bomber whenever I get fireworks.
Using fireworks on my son's plastic army men is also unacceptable.

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I will stop being paranoid everytime I walk by bed sheets hanging on the clothes line to dry.

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When someone confronts you, you feel the urge to flank that person.

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When you see a hill, you feel the urge to get up there.

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You avoid a frontal approach on someone.

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After you accomplish something, you yell, "ho-hoi!"

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When you walk a long way, you think that you can hear, "Yah-weh! Yah-weh!"

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When eating at a Japanese Restaurant, I will stop telling everyone to run for their lives when the waitress enters the room.

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I will stop referring to my Son as My Heir.

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I will not walk uphill when someone is walking downhill.

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I will not break and enter into my neighbor's home with intent to destroy all the contents merely because I suspect he has constructed a geisha house.

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Subconciously don't you....

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-say "oh $hit...." when you see a geisha house in an enemy province?

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-Hesitate to hit the last turn when the game is done and there is a slight disappointment and sadness to it knowing you've conquered all of japan and there is no more to conquer? (*sigh* now I know how Alexander felt).

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laughing ashigaru said:
Subconciously don't you....
-say "oh $hit...." when you see a geisha house in an enemy province?

Actually, I said "oh @#%$!" out loud when I merely saw a legendary tea house, knowing the Geisha house was soon to follow. I stomped the province flat like a crazy woman stepping on a roach.

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And have you ever...

Had your wife/friend/whoever come downstairs and wonder why the hell you're yelling "oh, sure, run you bastards!" or "stop! stop! stop!" :p

Found yourself wondering whether to attack yet or not and clicking on your advisor in the throne room to see what he thinks.

Actually listened to you advisor.

Found yourself having a dialog with the advisor in the throne room about long term strategy.

Put off lunch or dinner because "Oh, I'm hungry, but I *really* need to take care of this bridge attack first!"

Decide to put the game language in Japanese, even when your command of the language is limited to "Sumi-ma-sen", "dozo yorishku", and a few rote snippets from Macross videos and Malice Mizer records. --Oh wait: "bakka". I'm familiar with that one.:lol

Get pissed because the game locks up just as the Dutch arrive, but then here the voice loop locked up in a sing-songy "villyum of oranj and qvee-villyum of oranj and qvee" and start laughing uncontrollably for several minutes.

Get pissed at Imagawa because he sent back your emmisary's head when you offered him peace after letting him take Shinano for pete's sake, and he keeps sending those damn ninjas which just killed one of your rank #2 generals, so you start gunning for him, working to take him out west and east even though this exposes you to Takeda and Oda.:evil

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When someone from another department of your company emails a request for some specific work from you, you get angry that you can't send him back an emissary's head.

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when u start suddenly able to speak fluently an asian foreign language and talking w a very funny accent in your own native language...

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Prior to handing out paychecks, I handwrote on each stub, Mr. Dan Stark "Kensai of noble virtue", Ms. Adele Kuge "Geisha, beautiful yet deadly", Mr. Wendel Isono "Warrior Monk with bad teeth", Mrs. June Cartwright "Priest emissary, caution-do not trust", and lastly, Mr. Steve Campbell "Ashigaru, needs extended probation".

..though funny at the time, I am now facing harrassment charges by these fellow employees provided they can actually explain to a court what the comments really are

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when u are probably the only girl who plays the game and gets A's on ur history tests because u know the game through and through.

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when u order your sister to marry some stranger from other clan in order to gain strategic advantage. and just days after the marriage ceremony u wipe out your sister husband family (burning all of them inside their castle or apartment?) to steal all of their valuebles.:evil

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